Intro:

Every single person in the world no matter race, skin color, or origin all share something in common; we all have identities. Identities are essential to our salvation as human beings. They separate us from the other 7.5 billion people who inhabit the world with us. Identities make us unique from other people but they change based off of many things including location, the government, sports, jobs, etc…

 

Include  

• More details
• Be more specific
• Go more in depth on what it means to have an identity
• Really get the reader engaged (better hook)
• Put in more statistical relevance to make sure this topic is relevant to all people.

 

Body Paragraph(s):

Identities differentiate us from the general population some in good ways and others in bad ways. An example of a bad way would be the Unabomber. A name created for a criminal who terrorized the United States for decades  by sending packages to high authority figures that contained makeshift bombs inside. His real identity Ted Kaczynski. But do people really get to shape their own identities? At first no, your parents name you when you are a child but after that initial first identity given to you by your parents you are given another one to you by the government known as your social security number. While you’re growing up you are given common identities based off your strengths and weaknesses observed by your peers. Some include nerd, geek, genius, freak, jock, and so on. But really you can only shape the way your identities are given to you.

 

Include

• Quotes: “… we have multiple identities and multiple points of contact with other people, and it’s almost never true that there is no shared ground at all.” (Appiah)
  • “IF YOU DEFINE YOURSELF THROUGH THE ACT OF OPPOSITION, THEN YOU’RE LETTING THE OPPRESSORS SET THE TERMS” (Appiah)
  • “If you allow your identity to be totally shaped by your opposition to a dominant culture, as many racial groups have done because of the history of racism and xenophobia, you can become locked into that minority status. The first time a group becomes conscious of itself as an important social group, it is because they realize that they’re all being subjected to something. But if you define yourself through the act of opposition, then you’re letting the oppressors set the terms.” (Appiah)
  • “This seems like an important point, because I think we tend to think of identity as intractable or fixed, and so we get locked into these labels and they come to define us and define our conflicts with one another. But as you say, we have multiple identities and multiple points of contact with other people, and it’s almost never true that there is no shared ground at all.” (Illing)
• Explain the quotes and the relevance to the articles/identity
• Add more depth / make sure it relates to context / peoples lives
• Use more transition words
• Keep reader engaged the whole time
• STAY ON TOPIC

Conclusion:

• Maintain the flow throughout the article
• Keep reader engaged / relevance to identity
• Reference conclusion section in TS/IS and in the Little Seagull Handbook